I was told that interviews were the way to go, here’s my first attempt.
Bear with it as I’m not quite Alan Whicker or Parky yet.
Start of Transcript
Zorro – I’m here today to interview Kevin, can I call you Kevin.
Kevin – Who are you, what do you want?
Z – I’m a blogger journalist, I need to see why you’re wearing a skirt for my blog.
Kevin- Well, firstly it’s a kilt, and secondly because I can. Am I going to get paid for this?
Z – No, so have you got any underwear on?
Kevin – What’s that got to do with anything?
Z – Well it’s a thing right, Kilt equal no crackers.
Kevin – Erm, really, don’t you want to know why I wear a kilt, it’s actually a funny story.
Z- Yeah, yeah we’ll get to that. Is your junk cold and all flapping about?
Kevin – Are you a professional journalist, this doesn’t feel like a real thing.
Z – Oh yeah, I’ve got a website and everything, it’s all cool. Talking of which, can I take a picture for the blog.
Kevin- Erm, I suppose, just here OK?
Z – Yeah, yeah that’s cool.
Kevin – Did you just take a picture of the floor.
Z – No
Kevin – Did you just try to get a reflection off the floor up my kilt?
Z – No dude, that was a test shot obviously. Getting the lighting ready for this, here smile.
Kevin – What’s your website called, it’s not a fetish thing is it?
Z – No, don’t be silly, it’s about dancers and music, and you know?
Kevin – I don’t think I feel comfortable with this anymore.
Z – Look, I’m sorry. I come on a bit full tilt sometimes. I’ll be serious; please let me ask just a couple of questions?
Kevin – Fine, go on then but ask something decent.
Z – Thank you, so, do you get the ache a lot?
Kevin – What ache?
Z- You know, from your boys clanging away under there.
Kevin – Seriously? That’s what you have to ask. If you knew how comfortable this thing was you wouldn’t be asking that kind of nonsense.
If you knew how much the ladies like to see a man in a kilt, you definitely wouldn’t be asking that sort of nonsense.
Z – The women like a man in a kilt?
Kevin – Oh yes, ask any one of them.
Z – And that doesn’t cause you any problems?
Kevin – Why would that be a problem?
Z – Well, you know, friction burn on your fella from rubbing against the material.
Kevin – Will you get over that, men have been wearing kilts for thousands of years, and it’s not an issue.
Z – Ah ha! So you’re not wearing any kecks then?
Kevin – Oh for the love of it, if I tell you, can we have an adult conversation?
Z – Of course, of course, I’m just joshing with you. Don’t worry about it let’s get on with something else. Let’s hear it, so why do you wear a kilt?
Kevin – Really, you aren’t going to just cheapen this with a stupid question later.
Z – It’s all cool. Like I say, it’s for a blog; people will want to know. I’m new to interviews so it’s got a bit off topic, please tell us why you wear a kilt.
Kevin – OK thank you, I will. Well, it started off being a tease for a girlfriend for a burlesque themed night and then a bit of a light-hearted kind of thing when I was dancing. But the truth of it is, I feel more masculine in this thing.
Z – Skirt.
Kevin – It’s not a skirt.
Z – But it is, isn’t it.
Kevin – To you it’s a skirt, but to everyone how sees me in it, it’s a sign I am a confident person.
Z – Confident enough to freeze your bits off.
(Audible sigh from Kevin)
Kevin – Tell me something, what’s you name?
Kevin – Of course it is. Zorro, right fine. Tell me Zorro, when was the last time you walked into a room and every woman perked up when they saw you. When was the last time you walked into a room and every dancer knew you were the one to dance with. I stand out in a sea of dancers, and I look damn good doing it.
Z – Hmm
Kevin – What?
Z – Nothing.
Kevin – Go on, you know you want to.
Z – Well.
Kevin – Just say it.
Z – Can you feel a breeze.
Kevin – What is wrong with you, are you five years old or something? I look good, I’m more than comfy, and I am dripping with confidence, and all you can focus on is what’s going on under the kilt. Well here you are, hope it makes your day.
Zorro – Oh My God, my eyes, why would you do that. I was just joking; you’ve have taken this way over the top. I’ve got sausage for tea, you’ve ruined that.
Kevin – Well, that’s what you get for acting like a jerk.
Z – I’m sorry. It was just a laugh; I didn’t mean anything by it. I hope you will forgive me. Please let me buy you a pint as a way of a sorry.
Kevin – It’s going to take more than a pint.
Z – I know, I’ll look after your tab as well. Quick question, do you think they’ll put the heating on as judging by the show you must be cold.
Kevin – You son of a…
(Audible scuffle, glass being broken, Zorro screams.)
End of Transcript.
I think it went well for my first time. Kev was funny, wasn’t he. If you have any questions for him, then please let me know as I’m sure I can pass them on soon as I’m just waiting back from the friend request.
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