Time and time again this word keeps coming into the conversation and it needs to stop, and for a good reason, so read on.
Last night, while I was dancing with one of the fab dancers in my life, and there was a thing half way through.
You know the thing, the lead I gave was perfect, and she just ruined the entire dance on purpose.
Or, the lead I gave wasn’t 100% clear, and we both went different ways.
Personally, I lean to the first one, but whatever.
However, we sorted it out and this took possibly 2-3 seconds of our lives. The rest of the dance we did was OK, and at the end, we both thanked each other saying what a nice pleasant experience that was when she apologised.
My first thought is always, sorry for what?
Not because I didn’t notice the error, I was there. Some of it may even have been my fault. May have, lets not point any fingers of blame here.
So what’s the reason for saying sorry? Because we made an error?
We are not professionals people!
It’s a simple detail but important. We don’t train day after day to make every event news worthy.
These aren’t competitions, its a night out for a bit of fun with friends and happy strangers.
What we do involves two people to match each other though a list of communication.
- To start with that means both parties would have to be at an equal skills level. Which is unlikely.
- Next, your have to know the other persons dance personality. Something that takes more time that most of us have.
- Then, you have to know the music inside out. Every break, every crescendo and so on.
- Once you have that down, you then need to have your choreography sorted out.
This is an undo-able, unrealistic list of things for a bunch of people who go out infrequently to get their dance on.
Now, I say all this not just to fill in a blog post, no, no, no.
I say all this to ask you to let yourself make mistakes and then let it go.
We all say Sorry.
I know I do and I get a lot said to me. Yet, unless people are damaged, no-one I know cares.
How many times has someone said sorry and you replied;
“If you hadn’t said anything I wouldn’t even have noticed you did something wrong.”
Add to that, it’s not a good word. Did you know that sorry meant, distressed, grieved or full of sorrow. Over the years that has been diluted somewhat with over use, but that’s it’s origin. Remember that the next time you say it.
If you said to someone;
“I fill full of sorrow and distressed that the entirety of the dance was not perfect due to a very minimal split second of miss communication, set on a basis of standards that are literally impossible to live up to.”
They would think you were nuts. Yet, that is what we are all doing to some extent.
Why not say Sorry.
There are some negatives to doing this a lot.
Firstly, it creates a level of negativity within ones self. You have just finished a perfectly nice dance and you top it off with a negative. Stop it! No one needs that in their life.
Secondly, you are taking the blame for something that’s probably not your fault. We are trying to make two bodies work as one, that’s a difficult task to start with.
Thirdly, as mentioned before, we aren’t professionals. We haven’t dedicated everything we are to be the greatest. Things happen and most of the time we don’t need to make an issue of it.
And fourthly, somebody who keeps saying sorry can be a little irritating. Especially it it isn’t warranted as they have just sucked the fun out of what you just did.
If you do feel the need to say something, try going positive or at least neutral.
“That was really nice, next time will be even better.”
“Thank you for that, I learnt a lot.”
ETC. You get the point.
- They aren’t negative to start with.
- They add a degree of it wasn’t the perfect dance but I’m OK with that.
- They add a degree that you are always trying to improve which is a driving force for you to get better.
- They do not subtract from the experience.
One of my favourite sayings is Words are Important, because they are and small things like this can alter you in a good way.
Learning is fun and hard at the same time, we need to relax a bit and lets some of the mistakes of communication go. They are not important enough.
We learn, we make errors, we learn from the errors and progress. Something we are all doing. To point out every error and mistake constantly is energy draining.
So for this week, you all get homework.
When dancing, you are not allowed to say sorry for small simple errors while you dance. To some degree, if you kill anyone that’s a judgement call. But the stuff in the dancing, let it go and see how you feel at the end of the evening.