Let’s Make DJ’s Awesome.


Before we start, I like DJ’s and think they do a bang up job. So, as a paying punter it’s only fair for some back seat driving.

Because, they do hold all the power and can make or break a night out.

The truth is, not all of them are epic. We know these sacred few all got into it for the street cred.

But reading a room full of dancers is a skill set that needs to be learned and worked on and some just don’t have it.

So, I have come up with some rules to share.
These will make everything better, and we all take one step closer to the dancy utopia we all dream of.

Rule 1 – For DJ’s

The Comedy Track.


Comedy is always subjective. However, there is a very complicated mathematical formula that can help us in this situation.

Once = Funny (Not often that funny but we will give you a point for effort.)

More than once = Not funny anymore, and it wasn’t that funny to start with. You are now just murdering a bad joke, slowly, and noisily with a sledgehammer. Please Stop it.

So, let’s be fair, and you can have one Comedy Track per venue/per month, and that track is then forever banished.

It’s for your own good.

Rule 2 – For DJ’s

Cover Versions.


Please stop playing the wistful girl/boy vocal version. Yes, it is different, but that doesn’t make it better.

Having some polite yet devoid of substance emo sing a rock track is fundamentally wrong. They suck the joy and life out of it and then blandly say the words as if this is a strenuous activity that has ruined their day.

Rock is supposed to ROCK. Pop is supposed to POP.

If we wanted to listen to a whiny girl/boy go on, most of us would just have to stay at home with the kids.

Can you all please stop going to Bland Cover Version.com

I appreciate I’m not in the game, but surely there is a Kicks the Arse Out of It cover version.com out there somewhere.


Rule 3 – For the Dancers


We need to Flirt with the DJ’s. All subtle like, so don’t tell them about it.

At a recent weekender, I noted a reoccurring principle that you all need to know about to improve all our nights out.

The music was a playing and some, but not many people were getting their groove on. Because the music was just filler. It was alright but not inspiring. No-one was being enthused to get up and boogie.
The DJ had hours to fill, and this was a solid seven minutes getting used up.

pair-1974236__340Suddenly, as if there was no coincidence between the bit of rough, bald elderly DJ’s set and the arrival of a young and sprightly lady smiling at him, the music jacked up a level.

We were suddenly all dancing to singers with actual vocal ranges. Musicians with talent were in clear evidence instead of an electronic backing track.
It was good stuff while it lasted, but they couldn’t keep their flirt up and it was over too soon.

We went back to the filler music.
Later on in the day, a repeat of the situation happened with different players and again the next day.

It appears that they all have a private stash of really fab music that only comes out like an elusive lesser spotted dog fish.

So, clearly, to get a good set out of the DJ’s we all need to chip in and flirt a bit.
You know, within reason, no one needs to take one for the team here.

I’m just pointing out that DJ’s are people too and sometimes they need some stimulating.

Danger Will Robinson! Danger!


Do not try this with the DJ known as REVDROP!

Not cos he is a man of the cloth, (the clue is in his DJ name,) and not because his wife is always with him.
Zorro does not judge. If you want to flirt here and condemn your soul for eternity that is your prerogative, if you must, you must.

The thing is, Revdrop does complicated music. He likes to challenge his flock. You do not get thump thump tunes from this man. You get WTF tunes that make you go – I need to think about how I dance to this, cos it isn’t going to go where I think it will.

We all know this, and we heartily accept.

However, if the Rev upped his game due to over stimulation, I fear many of us wouldn’t survive the epicness of the music thereafter.


If you have yet to enjoy this phenomenon, then you are missing out. (The Midlands is his stomping ground.)

These are my rules, let me know if there should be anymore.



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