Why won’t They Dance with Me?

What did you do? Did you do something daft?

There you are, the music is rocking and the night is going fine.

You ask someone to dance, and it all goes OK, the music ends, and you’re ready to carry on when your partners say thank you politely and walk off. Leaving you standing there broken hearted.

Why, why did you leave me? Where my second dance?

The night continues, life goes on.

Two weeks later and the nights a rocking once more. You make moves to go have a dance with a familiar face when you see The Pause.

That moment when the dancer recognises you and their body stops all forward momentum.

If you keep moving in, they may give in under duress, but the signal was clear. Clear as a window after its been cleaned by a professional. They don’t want to dance with you.

Why? You scream into the night, why don’t you want to dance with me?

Here are some maybes to think about if you keep seeing the signal.

Could one of these be your social faux pas?

Over the Top Dancing.

You do the basic; it’s just a basic step. Nothing fancy but you know if you can stop here, fling your arms out and strike a pose it would make it magic. And on the next move, the same again, and on the next move etc. In so doing breaking the rhythm of all the moves and losing all connection with your partner.

Giving the “I’m Bored” look.girl-1839623__340

The music isn’t rocking, the dance itself isn’t testing you, and quite frankly you would rather be sat down.

Here is an opportunity for you to practice styling or even have a chat, but instead you have decided this dancer is nothing and you show it. Congrats on becoming a one dance wonder.

I’m soo Sexy, look at ME!!!!.dance-1940245__340

Not sure if this is born from insecurity or trying too hard, but the result looks the same.

Overtly suggestive dancing that doesn’t suit the dance. It doesn’t suit the night or even the dance partner, but you’re chucking in all the good stuff regardless. “Regardless” being the operative word.

Try thinking less is more and see how that works for you.

The Hair Whip of Death.penguin-24598__340

I have never danced with a long-haired man, but I’m going to presume its valid both ways.

Human hair at a trajectory of {your eyes} with a velocity of {bugger that.} Isn’t fun. Even the kinky brigade call it a no-no thanks muchly.

Hair with small beads at the end can be much like the infamous Cat o’ Nine-Tails if done right.

Style over content, no thank you.

The Puppeteer [a leads issue]hand-784077__340

You send her that way; you send her this way. You, however, haven’t moved at all. At the end of a dance like this, the partner can be and often is, exhausted. You haven’t put any effort in so don’t see the problem, cos you’re not dancing. You are choreographing. It takes two to dance. Get involved and move your lazy bum.

The Dance Police.cop-1016218__340

“You shouldn’t do that.” You say in a really helpful manner.

“You should do this.” You add for extra super willingness and constructive, beneficial help. What confuses you most is that you have told everyone all their faults but no-one is listening.

We didn’t ask, that’s why. It’s a small detail but wait until we do will ya.

The Tumble Dryer.

The leads think its fun or the follows are showing off. Either way, it will lose your connection with your partner. Leading someone into 15 spins followed by 4 spins followed by 8 spins is too much. Way too much. Pack it in.


Following someone and deciding that your move needs 4 move extra spins than led creates a moment. One where the lead stops dancing and has to watch you, in the hopes that they may get involved again at some point.


Now, we all know the wrong-uns who are pushing their luck. Them obvs.

However, there is a second group who don’t realise they are doing wrong because they aren’t groping you. Their hands are just going places that we might not want them to.

Our rolls of fat for instance.

I don’t need any lady’s hands clamping on to my spare tyre, ever. A hand planted on my manly chest is one thing, pushing back on my belly makes me sad-face emoji. Especially if they give it a wobble on the way.

The Vice Grips. illustration-2223973__340

One of the easiest ways to hurt a dancer is to grip their hands and anything.

So don’t grip a dancers hand. You don’t grip for a spin; you don’t grip for a twist. You don’t grip.

If your a lead, then this is a fab way to damage one of those useful fingers, wrists, arms or shoulders, that everyone is so attached to using.

If you are a follow, then the result is less violent. It just means the lead cannot lead a dance move, because that would head towards damaged fingers, wrists, arms and or shoulders that you like using.

The Abusers of Fashion.woman-1702962__340

If it isn’t some Muppet pulling moves that ruin hairdo’s, then it’s watches catching on dresses. Necklaces designed to snatch fingers and flay them. Stiletto heels to rip at ankles. Flowing dresses that capture hands. Work boots that destroy toes.

Do you hate us? Why do you hate us?


Here are some of the many sins that you could have inadvertently forced upon the world like a Screeching Banshee. These oh so small details may be the reason you aren’t getting the love you feel you are due.

If anything rings a bell, please feel free to double check yourself for future reference.

The world can be hard enough without this sort of thing. The dance floor is a place to find joy and happiness. Tis no place for shenanigans of a negative vibe. Tis a place for wonder and awe.

Any other sins that need to be highlighted here, please feel free to mention them in the comments so we can all learn.

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